I can't be bothered

It feels good to say that out loud

Our first time geocaching in July 2019. One of the many adventures Mark has brought into our lives.

As I read back what I’ve written here in recent weeks, I notice that even when I’m stretched thin, and tired, and overwhelmed, I don’t give myself a break. I power through and try to make something useful to others from the lows of my creative process. My default is to offer Glitter. But it does not feel good to ignore what I need. It exhausts me even more.

This week I choose to honour what is true for me right now, not just with my words, but with the energy I give this. I trust that doing that is enough. I’m not the only woman juggling multiple roles, feeling as though she’s falling short in every single one of them. I’m not the only person who wants to hide away and not make or do anything. I cannot be the only one thinking, what is the point? And then judging herself for it. Telling herself that she should be more grateful/positive/optimistic.

I’m writing this on Tuesday, and vowing not to do what I usually do. Edit and re-edit to make my first attempt better. More polished. More nuanced. As good as I can possibly make it.

This will do.

It’s Mark and I’s wedding anniversary on Thursday, and I haven’t even bought him a card yet. We’re going for posh burgers and ten pin bowling with the kids. Almost a decade of him choosing to be a father figure in Holly and James’ life. Four years married to me. There is more to write about that, but not today.

Because I can’t be bothered.

Damn. That feels good.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead :)

With love,

Claire

---

Find me elsewhere:

Instagram: @clairemackinnonwrites

Website: clairemackinnon.com

LinkedIn: Claire Mackinnon